Monday, April 14, 2008

I'm late...

As of late, the words "You're Late!" seem to be chiming in my head... Other women hear "tick tock", I hear the soft words whispered on a breeze that tickles my ears...

You're late, You're late....

It's like the melodic tinkle of an ice cream truck from our youths....heard softly and faintly over the warm summer breeze. Did I hear it? Ahhh, yes....there it is.

Only this breeze blows cold on my heart....

You're late, You're late...

Growing up, I always felt like I had just missed all of the fun and excitement - when I taught over seas, there was much money to be made, until I got there and the economy crashed. While my friends were busy having families and getting careers, I was off in never never land. And now...it haunts me. Am I late again?

Most of the time, in the last few days, I carry about my day and can almost forget everything I've been through. Then, some little reminder pops up and I hear the voice...

You're late

....and usually that little reminder makes me cry.

This weekend I was at a baby shower of a dear, dear friend. As I was driving there, I thought:

I will not cry, I will not cry, this day is not about me, I will not cry!


I was really doing pretty good until my friend, whose poor ankles are swollen to the popping point, was getting an ankle rub from her Mother in Law (who is like my second mother). Mother in Law reached over and took my hand and said, "Soon enough it will be your ankles I'm rubbing".

And I started crying...selfishly, all I could think about is that I was late...late to the party again. I sometimes think that when I get to a room, I should just announce "Ladies and Gentlemen, without intending too, someone is going to make me sad. And without wanting to, I'll start crying. Don't mind the crying girl in the corner, just carry on with your activities, she'll get it under control shortly!"

Will I cry like this if I get pregnant again? Will I forget? Sometimes I hope I do.

However, not all is doom in gloom in the House of Heather. This weekend my husband and I were able to complete our first home improvement project without fighting! We've painted our small office a wonderful cheery yellow. I'm so excited to get our new desk set up and all of the furniture back in and in place. I'll post pictures when it's done. It seems we've finally figured out how to work together - and it was actually fun. When we went to bed, I was overwhelmed with how much I love him, how incomplete my life would be without him. And then I think....had I not been late, I would not have him.

Maybe it's not so bad to be late.....

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! ~ The White Rabbit. Alice in Wonderland
A day late and a dollar short ~ Unknown

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think ~ Chinese Proverb

2 comments:

DeborahSW said...

Oh, Heather.. I loves ya, that's all I really can think to say. I firmly, without a doubt, deep down in my heart believe you are NOT too late.

And p.s., you can cry all you want around me, anytime. :)

Lisa E said...

I'm a firm believer that the best things in this life are slow to emerge, but they're also completely worth waiting for. Love ya!