Friday, December 19, 2008

Count Down

Well...I have to say, sometimes it helps to just throw what you're thinking out there into the Blogosphere - especially when you forget that there are certain people that pay attention to your blog and can help make you feel a bit better about frustrations you are having.

It's good to know that sometimes someone is watching out for you and cares about you. :)

I haven't posted in some time, and the majority of that has been being nearly 9 months pregnant and so worn out at the end of the day that the last thing I want to do is sit down and write a blog.

But, we have been busy around here...we've attended two baby classes thus far and have Maddy's room all ready. We have a few last minute things that we (I mean I) want to get and have waiting...medicines my girlfriends or the nurses have recommended to have on hand, etc.

Thankfully, I have the next two weeks off and will have an opportunity to get those last minute things done. It's time to pack the hospital bag, wash all of Maddy's new born clothes, stock up on food for Georgie, install the car seat bases, and start baking casseroles! That's my big task for the Christmas and New Year's break - cook and freeze, cook and freeze.

But as for those two baby classes we've gone to - one was a weekend long Childbirth Prep class and one was a Newborn Care class.

Jim will be honestly, he didn't *really* want to go to either class, but especially not the class that was the WHOLE weekend....and he says it was a waste of time, but I think he says that just to get my goat, because at our last Doc's visit, he was asking good questions and understood what she was telling us. And I've noticed that he's started using some of the techniques we talked about to help make me feel better when I'm having a rough, "I don't feel good" moment. was far from a waste of time. I don't think he knows how important that is to me - that he get what's going to be happening as much as I get it. Especially because he wants to be the only one in the room when the pushing starts.And ya'll know me, I'm of the "the more informed you are, the better off you are" variety....the unknown drives me insane, so it was good for me to go and be able to ask questions, not just read a book (and I do lots of that too!)

And speaking of actual childbirth preparations...the baby class scared me into thinking that perhaps it's best to do this completely naturally - no drugs at all. The instructor was great - but she was obviously very much focused on the side of natural child birth. She read us a lot of statistics about how mothers who use pain medications (i.e. epidurals or narcotics) end up with C-sections because of their inability to push. YIKES! That is my biggest fear - an epidural. I talked to my doctor and she agreed that it can happen, but that she was pretty laid back, she'd let things go a long time before she'd be forceful about suggesting a C section. So....I'm going to go into it open to whatever it takes, but attempting to go the distance without any drugs. We'll see how it goes.

To help myself through that - I've been listening to some hypo birth CDs....and I have to say, they're pretty relaxing. I don't know how relaxing they'll be when I'm having contractions, but it's worth a shot. Jim is really supportive, he wanted to do it this way all we've been practicing our labor positions, talking a lot about what he can do to help, etc.

I'm still naturally nervous - but it'll all work out in the end, even if I'm begging for the drugs and I don't have time to get them, centuries of woman have done this, I can do it too :)

The other class we have been to is the Newborn Prep class. I was glad we went, I got to ask a lot of good questions and get some good suggestions - and I have to say, I was proud of my boy, he's an excellent diaper changer (even though he thinks he's not going to change any...riiiiiiight) and an even BETTER swaddler. He's really good at it! And he's also really good at the "tummy" hold they recommend to help sooth babies with a gassy tummy...better at it than me! So....I see some tummy time coming Daddy's way ;)

Other than that....we've just been trying to lay low and take care of the minute stuff I mentioned. We got our stroller - yea! Installed our infant car seat bases - yea! Jim's diligently washing all of Maddy's newborn items for me...just the final prep stuff. And life got a lot easier when we decided to lay low on Christmas this year. I didn't even decorate. That's sooooo unlike me, but I didn't want to have to put it all away in two weeks, I knew I wouldn't have the energy. I don't even think I'm going to get a Christmas card/letter out to anyone this year. Again....lame....but I just haven't had the energy.

Anyhoots....the countdown is on, I have 32 more days until my due date - not that she wouldn't come early or late....but realistically, since they won't let you go more than 2 weeks over due, I have at most 46 more days I'll be carrying this little girl around. Part of me is excited to not be pregnant anymore - but I have to be honest, outside of the constant back ache, lack of good sleep, and rib pain, I love having her there. I love it when she moves....especially if I start talking to her or Jimmy starts talking to her...that's pretty cool.

And now that she's the size of a honeydew melon, if she moves, I feel it - there ain't much room there!

Your baby, now as hefty as a honeydew melon at 5 1/4 pounds, doesn't have much room to maneuver in your belly. (Length: more than 18 inches, headto heel.)

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Frustrated Spirit

Have you ever really wanted to succeed at something you were asked to do? It's something that's a huge opportunity for you and you want to do well. You want to prove that you're capable of more than you've been asked to do before.

But for reasons that have nothing to do with you, you aren't getting anywhere. There are outside influences that control the amount of time you have to devote to what you're doing. There are others who do not have time to help you achieve your goal...and you need the input and assistance of those others in order to be successful. There are some who didn't see the importance of what you were trying to accomplish. You've been saying all along this was important - but you couldn't get anyone else to see the urgency or the importance until too late. And so it's hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait.

And you start to get frustrated. You start to feel useless and ineffectual. You start to wonder what you're doing and why you care so very much...but you do, because that's your nature. You want to be successful, both in your own endeavors and in assisting people make something a reality, help build something of value. That is part of what defines you - being a part of helping build things of value.

And all the while you have this huge event in your life that's putting a very real time line on things - the birth of your daughter. It's given you a deadline that won't change. It's like a big brick wall that's going to stop all of your other efforts you've been working so very hard toward. You didn't mean it to be that way. You don't want to be one of those women who uses being a mother as an excuse to be less effective in other spheres of your life. But its there - and it's happening - and it scares you that somehow if you fail in this endeavor it will be your last chance to be a useful and trustworthy member of anything other than the Mommy sphere. And that's not what you want.

You realize that being a Mother is the most important thing you'll ever do, every kick she gives you reminds you of the amazing change you're about to go through and that now someone will rely on you for safety, for security, for love, warmth, for her very existence.
You also know that you have worked hard to get where you are - and you don't want that to be over.
You want to continue to be an equal contributor to the bottom line for your family.
You feel protective of the family you and your husband are building and you want to protect their financial future.
You're scared of the economy and what not being successful might mean.

And you just don't know what to do about feel so lost and for the first time you understand what other women talk about when they talk about the fear of being a mother, not just the excitement.

The fear of what that means for the financial security of your life.
The fear of not being everything you know you can be.

And it's frustrating.
And scary.
And so very where I'm at right this very moment.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Turkey Tales...

Well...I'm back from my Turkey Day adventures.

I have no pictures to share, just yet, because I don't have my own camera and thus am relying on the generosity of friends and family to send me their pictures. :::hint hint:::

Thanksgiving was a wonderful day, spent with my Dad and Stepmom, brother Drew and his family, and sister Bree and her boyfriend Jonanan (I mean Jonathan....but my nephew used to call him Jonanan and it's stuck in my head). My parents' best friends Robert and Carol were also there for the fun. Nothing is as wonderful as good food and family laughter.

Friday wasn't as much fun, unfortunately. I have really bad luck with cars, it would seem. I was headed from my Dad's house (in the outlying town of Caldwell) to my Mom's house (in Boise). I stopped by my mom's branch to say hello, pick up the cake for the baby shower (that needed to be kept refrigerated), and have her remind me of the garage code. I was driving my parent's PT Whoser (another newphewism).

I got to my Mom's and the garage code didn't work. It turns out the battery in the garage key pad had run out. : So, I decided to head back to my Mom's work and pick up the key. It's about noon and Maddy is telling me she's hungry, so I pull through the McDonald's drive through for some Fries. Apparently that was a bad idea, because as I was pulling away from the drive through, someone parked to the right of me backed right into the car. My parent's car. That I was driving. Crap. Nothing makes you feel worse that having something like that happen to you. In your parent's car. Hello...feelings of teenagehood all over again. Even though it's not my fault and I know they won't be mad at me. 16 all over again. And not in a good way.

Dude comes out of his car apologizing all over himself - and as I'm prying the belly out of the car, he sees that I'm pregnant, the color drains from his face. I sort of felt sorry for him - but not really - he just hit me. In my parent's car! UGH! After a call or two to my parents (hello...I couldn't find the insurance and registration that was right in front of my face), we exchange information (the police do not come to accidents without injury on private property :( :( ). The PT Whooser and I limp away (it's going to be okay - it wasn't major damage, at least I don't think it was) and instead of going to my Mom's office, I go to my brother's house down the street.

My 6 year old nephew (of Jonanan and PT Whooser fame) is still in his kiddy boxers playing video games when I get there. I tease him for hanging out in his "underwears", but really, I'm jealous that it's nearly 1 and he's still in his underwear. Those days are gone for me, unfortunately ;) I hang out there until my brother and his family needed to leave and then head back to my Mom's. It's like 3:30 by this point and Mom, who gets off at 4:30 should be home at any time. I have my book and a car that's warm....and the cake, oh yeah, THE CAKE! I hadn't noticed it'd fallen off the back seat onto it's side. Luckily it survived the crash for the most part....but DANG!

Only...Mom doesn't get off at 4:30. Mom doesn't get off till 5:30, so I'm sitting there till nearly 6. And it's dark now and I can't read any more :::queue pitiful, poor me music right here::: When Mom shows up (I hadn't called her, no reason to panic her - there was nothing she could do) and we head into the house, she looks at the door to find it unlocked. The entire time. The front door was open. I could have come in before the accident. To a warm house. And food. And a couch to nap on.

::::banging pregnant head against wall::::::

Ahhhh...luck. It wasn't with me on Friday.

Saturday I has a wonderful day with my dear friend Martha and my family. Once again, people were too generous to Maddy and she truly now has too many clothes to wear. Seriously. No more clothes. Unless they're 9 months or bigger. They won't get worn. Promise.

Sunday came too quickly and I had to fly back home - which was both sad (I hate leaving my family) and happy (I missed my husband a LOT!!!!)

And now here it is Tuesday already.

And I'm having a baby in like 7 weeks. 7 WEEKS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can pass the brown paper bag now, I think I might hyperventilate.