Two Little Words: Love Letter #4

My little tiny munchkin...

This love letter is a little late - and I'm sorry for that - but I've been soaking up every little bit of you I could for the last couple of weeks and haven't spent a ton of time with the computer. I started back to work this week and what an emotional rollercoaster that has been.

On the one hand, it's good. Some day you'll understand what I mean by that. I have a whole new bucket of respect for stay at home moms because it is SO not at all what I thought it'd be like. Having a baby is hard! Even one as cute, cute, cute as you are. You are absolutely, next to your dear old Dad, the person I love most on this planet!!!! However, being that your Dad works nights and I spend a good portion of my day all alone without help, I get lonely for someone who can help me with you... Or at least do the things that need to be done while I play with you. So...being at work is good! I so very thankful for my job, I like my company, and I'm happy to bring in money to help secure the stability of our family.

But being away from my baby is hard, hard, hard. Just look at you! I know I'm biased, but you're simply gorgeous and when you're feeling good, you are the most amazingly happy baby. Daddy is going to have to beat those boys off with a stick. Daddy says when you're 30, but I say you can date when you're 25. This morning, when I was done getting ready and needed to put you in your carseat to go, I spent a few minutes just cuddling you. Daddy had fed your your morning bottle and you'd fallen back asleep snuggled up next to him. Every cell in my body wanted to stay just right there. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it because I absolutely hate leaving you. When you smile, you light up the room and I hate that I go all day without you smiling at me.

Some of the changes from your last love letter:

You've started giggling. Honestly giggling!

You love it when I pretend I'm going to eat you up and my hair tickles your face.

You love playing the "kisses, kisses, kisses" game. I come at you and say, "kisses, kisses, kisses!!!" and kiss your little mouth. You giggle and have started to reach up for me with a grin when I start saying "kisses".

You've found your feet!!!! You are grabbing them all the time now and it's so precious.

You've started talking ALOT and I love that sound.

You are SO close to rolling over from your back to your tummy. If you knew what to do with that shoulder, you'd be all over it. Scratch that....I started this blog post and then you went and rolled over for us this weekend!

You are still in love with your Daddy, but you've started to give up Mr. Star. You're much more into your jumper now that you're such a big girl. Mr. Star doesn't make enough noise for you. I'm not saying he's gone to the wayside, he's just not your favorite anymore. You also love your rings for chewing and a crinkle book for the same reason.

You've started to wrap your arm around my neck. Granted, it's just for stability when I'm carrying you around, but I'll take it.

You've *really* started to notice George and you reach out for him now. That is so much fun to watch.

You've also started to recognize that your room is where I put you to sleep - and you cry when we go in there, even in the middle of the day. I chalk that up to you wanting to be in the midst of things at all times (you're so like your Mama in that way). You just don't want to miss anything by going to sleep.

I'm afraid to say it outloud, but you're starting to go down easier at night. You don't necessarily stay down easily, but it's not as hard at night. I don't know if I'm just getting better at being consistent or you're getting better at it. Probably both. You still don't sleep very well, but Dr. Fasullo thinks that's because of your tummy. Some nights are really bad. The night before last you were up all.night.long. Mama got two fourt-five minute naps before having to go to work. I thought I was going to be dead the next day and actually cried at work (in the bathroom...no one saw me, thank gawd).

When I turn you on your tummy, which you don't like much for the afore mentioned tummy trouble reasons, you've started to try and put your knees under you to scoot. Maybe crawling is soon? Lordy me, I hope not just yet!

You still sleep in our room. Before I had you, I thought for sure you'd be in your own room by 3 months. Now I battle deciding when to move you into your own room. I'm so not there yet, I like you sleeping in your little co-sleeper next to me :)

You're starting to notice that Daddy and I eat food that isn't milk. I am holding off introducing any solids till we've got your tummy troubles under better control, but I know that's a sign for starting your baby on solids - that they notice what Mama and Daddy are eating. This is exciting to me and makes me want to cry in the same breath. Solids will be fun! But how is it that my baby is old enough for solids, you're growing up too fast. I know this is the lament of every parent....and it's so true.

And speaking of those tummy troubles - they're still around. Your tummy still hurts you and when you're having a bad day, my heart breaks. We've tried going back to breast milk and that hasn't changed anything. We've tried Zantac, that hasn't helped. We've tried rice cereal in your milk, that did nothing but make the spit way thicker. Dr. Fasullo has us trying Prevacid next...and we're going half breast milk, half Soy formula till we run out of the breastmilk in the freezer, then it'll be all formula. And I'm starting to wean on the pump. Working has made pumping that much harder - because I just don't get as much and anymore, I think it comes between you and I spending quality time together. And that's more imortant to me. Besides, you seem to be happier on Soy.

You're trying to hold your own bottle. You can't do it unless it's empty - but if it's empty, you can hold it. You get excited when you see a bottle, empty or not.

All in all...you're just a bigger girl. Daddy calls you his "big girl", but I remind him you're still a little baby. You may have grown a lot, but you've still only been around for 19 weeks. That's not very long to be saying you're a "big girl". I think I'll be saying you're only a little baby long you actually are a big girl. It's passing too fast for me and it's exciting and sad all in one breath.

Daddy and I took more pictures of you two weeks ago (when you actually were 4 months old) and these are some of those shots: