Hoochie Mama

Let's talk briefly about maternity fashions.

Once upon a time, all maternity fashion involved something mumu-ish...or bows, lots and lots of bows. Not pretty on anyone, especially a pregnant woman. At a time when the majority of us are larger than we've ever been, those clothes were the most unbecoming possible.

Apparently the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction and now, it appears, maternity clothing manufacturers think we all want to be hoochie mamas.

Hoochie Mama as defined by the Urban Dictionary:
1. A female who dresses ghetto ho fabulous. Lots of gold, lots of weave-typically Pattie LaBelle style with red, purple, gold, or orange streaks, and long nails with lots of airbrush glitter, and color. This female's goal in life is to use her female attributes to obtain a male with lots of money or any money to spend on her. Weaves, rent, & diapers for her baby from another daddy included. 2. A ghetto version of a "Gold Digger".
Friday night (payday} at the club: "Ooo, girl the hoochie mamas are out trollin' tonight!"

Seriously - the patterns on today's maternity wear are horrible. Red, purple, gold, AND orange! Together in one shirt!

But the thing that really gets me are the low cut tops. Seriously! I'm not a small waif of a girl - and "the girls", they're not small either. And apparently, they're only going to get bigger. So what's with the low cut tops?!?! I'm not out trollin for a date. I already have one of those. I took him home to Mom and Dad. They liked him. We got married. Now we're having a baby. And the only person that needs to SEE "the girls" is him!

Things are slightly better for the girls that are smaller to begin with. Clothing manufacturers like Ann Taylor, The Gap, even Juicy Couture are offering fairly fashionable maternity lines. But with prices starting at $75.00 for one shirt and an extra large that equates to a size 12, that's not really going to work for me.

So that leaves me to the lower end, more affordable stores like Target, Old Navy, Motherhood Maternity, Sears, and JC Pennies. And let me tell you, the pickins are slim. Add into it that nearly every single shirt I've purchased needs some sort of camisole under it to keep from showing off the girls and it's just not my favorite part of pregnancy.

So...if you see a pregnant hoochie mama walking down the street...don't judge. She might be a really sweet, lovable girl that just can't find a damn thing to wear.